I just had to share, even though very few of you will fully appreciate the subtle Job-like games the universe is playing with me today.

You know I’m been reasonably happy with my house. Despite my constant terrors about the water table and our proximity to the white river, the basement hasn’t flooded, thereby destroying tens of thousands of dollars worth of computer equipment; it’s weathered a couple of close calls with tornados; it stood up to a raging torrent of water crept to a mere 18″ from the house; and it’s even survived my fumbling attempts to add new walls and rooms and such.

You see:

  1. There is an important building code here that says all such detecting devices must have battery backups and must chirp an excruciatingly loud, supersonic, warning when said batteries start to go dead. To ensure proper acoustics of said signal (and maximum annoyance to all animals within a three-block radius), these alarms should be placed as close to the ceiling as possible.

    Even if said ceiling is a 20′ high custom vaulted ceiling.

  2. There is an apocryphal application of Murphy’s Law which states, whichever type of battery you need at the moment, you will not have on hand–not in your toolbox, not in any other battery-operated devices, not even in that miscellaneous, uninventoried junk drawer in your kitchen that has all the dried ink pens and crinkled post-it note pads in various fluorescent colors.

  3. And, most importantly, there is an immutable law of the universe that ensures that when the previous two laws intersect, it will always be at 3:00 AM, when you were otherwise sound asleep.

    –{{ TWEET! }}–


I would desperately like the home phone number of the guy who decided where and how the smoke detectors were placed. So I can call him … in the middle of the night … every two minutes … and chirp loudly at him. And before you ask, the alarms are electric, and wired in tandem, so I can’t just move them to suit my convenience.  If I disconnect one (which I did try, mind you), they all go off. Does anybody have a scaffolding I could borrow before bedtime tonight?!