Too … many … comebacks … must … resist …

  • Ah yes, Proverbs 31… sponsored by retargeted cookies and a “REGISTER NOW” button.

  • Faith, hope, and a/b-tested thirst traps.
  • Blessed are the click-through rates, for they shall inherit the newsletter.

  • Behold, the Beatitudes (Ad Edition): Blessed are the targeted demographics.
  • “Where two or three are gathered in my name”… there also is a pop-up.

  • Truly a modern epistle: Corinthians 1:00 a.m., “Thou shalt optimize conversion.”