Cognitive dissonance with two different movie plots (and titles), inspired by a contest first run in the Washington Post…

  1. Naked Lunch at Tiffany’s: Burroughs and Capote bring us the tragic tale of Holly Golightly and her unrealized desire to dine with the mugwumps at a fashionable upper-east side boutique. Sadly, in a heroin binge she dies from rabies after eating her cat.
  2. Big Sur Galahad and the Green Knight: Distraught by his failed quest for the Holy Grail, an honorable night falls into a pit of alcohol and Benzedrine in order to find the meaning of life.
  3. The New Electric Kool-aid acid Testament: One man, believing he is the Messiah and 12 of his merry pranksters travel around Galilee in a psychedelic bus performing miracles while taking psychotropic drugs.
  4. The Dharma Sutra: A guide to having sex with young boys on peyote whilst simultaneously playing the bongos and drinking far too much imported coffee.
  5. Old Man and the Pea: A tired old sailor seeks shelter at a nearby castle where they try and determine his birth by placing an albatross under his mattress
  6. Big Trouble in Little Women: John Carpenter’s action-packed tale of Jo, a wannabe writer who travels to New York, only to be kidnapped by a 3000-year old sorcerer.
  7. On the Road Not Taken: Sal Paradise discovers that ditching Robert Frost in Hoboken has in fact made all the difference.
  8. The Prince’s Purple Rain: Machiavelli’s story of a struggling singer’s attempts to dominate a small european nation
  9. The Waste Land Before Time: Armageddon doesn’t seem so grim when an adorable cast of dinosaurs rise up out of the Thames and devour London’s working class.
  10. Canterbury Tales from the Crypt: The Wife of Bath joins up with a travelling band of gypsies and gruesomely murders them one-by-one
  11. Horton Hears The Who’s Tommy: An elephant hears of the story of Tommy playing very softly wherever he goes, realizes there is no way out, and kills himself
  12. My Anastasia: Willa Cather’s tale of a man who returns to his roots in Nebraska only to find that his childhood sweetheart has disappeared in a proletarian revolution.
  13. David Lynch’s Blue Velvetine Rabbit: A stuffed animal’s quest to be real takes him into the dark underworld of a familiar small town paradise where he finds NOTHING is real, not even him.
  14. The Never-ending West Side Story: Gang warfare ensues when the Jets and the Sharks discover the Highlander’s secret to immortality.
  15. Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey to the Center of the Earth: Bill and Ted dial a wrong number and end up fighting for their lives in a most heinous prehistoric world under the Earth’s surface
  16. Castorbridge over the River Kwai: A young man forced to build a bridge for Viet Kong forces has his bad karma come in and save the day, while teaching him that everything he does has bad consequences.