I don’t know why, but I’ve just noticed yet another of my really stupid habits I’ll just relay here for your amusement. You have to love OkCupid and this weird new push-alert feature they’ve added to the app. Now whenever a girl who is an 85% or better match views my profile (aka: the elusive Cute/Smart/Funny demographic), they set off a shitload alarms, texts, and emails to alert me. Seriously, my phone lights up and makes all kinds of crazy noises. Scares the crap out of me. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s quite impressive. Suddenly, I’m shushing everybody around me like a UBoat Captain who just got over-flown by an AWACS … as if somehow making noise will tip her off that we know she’s there. “All stop! Good quiet!”
Meanwhile I’m making a clandestine check of her profile (in case she messages me, I need to be fast with the response … I mean … but not TOO fast … don’t want to seem desperate, just informed), then a quick re-read of my profile to make sure (for the two-hundredth time) that it is sufficiently witty and divulges no useful information that may count as a strike against me.
I will say, OKC’s matching algorithm — which is really just based on a shitload of questions you may optionally answer, combined with an “attractiveness modifier” derived from how many people have “liked” your profile and/or photos, is pretty spot on in alerting me to ones that I definitely am glad I was altered to. In that respect, I think they have an edge up on the other services. Well done, guys.
Okay, so after ten minutes and no sign of course change or attempts at transmission (and for the life of me, I can’t imagine why), we can assume she didn’t notice us. Bullet dodged. Resume original course and speed.
