While I originally listed “Vegan/Vegginazi” as a firm no-go (and later expanded this ban to include the gluten-free brigade—because, let’s face it, as a dedicated fat man, my emotional bandwidth can’t handle picky eaters), I somehow completely overlooked blocking the “New Age/Spiritualist” option.
Thanks to this oversight, I ended up dating three spiritualists last year. One seemed genuinely tuned-in, but the other two were basically confused souls hoping to solve life’s deepest mysteries with inspirational fridge magnets and fortune-cookie wisdom. Look, I’m hardly in a position to judge anyone’s spiritual beliefs (I can barely navigate Netflix, let alone enlightenment), but I’m pretty convinced you’re not going to find the secrets of Nirvana or profound spiritual enlightenment on the book rack of a Kroger checkout lane.
Seriously, put a collection of my blog posts on that rack; I guarantee it would also be a bestseller in a week.
