There are times when the age of big data will turn on you.  Not like Skynet or the Matrix, I’m preparing a separate blog post on why those are complete bunk.  I speak more of the power of unbridled global capitalism combined with predictive algorithms.  Case in point, a few months back, I ordered a couple hundred dollars worth of electronic equipment on Amazon.  You know, microphone mounts, cords, headphones, that sort of thing.  Just by way of being nice, it’s really hard to separate the quality versions of these from the cheap flimsy import versions of these based on a small picture, I thought I’d leave nice reviews of the products that I liked and worked well for me, so the next person didn’t have to go through the trial-and-error woes that I did.  Fine and good.  I apparently did okay with my arguments, as I got several “helpful votes” for my reviews, which moved them to the top of this list.

A few weeks later, I got an email from some company detailing some new headphones they were developing.  The headphones were touted as practically wear proof, indestructible, and because they were made from solid wood, had a sound quality far superior to other units in their price range.  As someone who obviously knows about audio equipment and writes nice, lucid review, would I mind if they sent me a pair in exchange for a review?  Well of course not, I can always use extra headphones, particularly novelty ones, that are free.  These were great headphones too.  Every connection point was reinforced, the connectors were one piece brushed steel with gold fittings, the housings were one-piece so there was little chance of them breaking when dropped, they came with lifetime factory support, the letter I had said they were likely the last pair of earbuds I would ever need to buy.

So I lost them at the end of the first week.  (It’s okay, I bought three more pairs.)

This isn’t really the point though.  The point is, that after writing a nice review, I apparently became Amazon’s go-to reviewer for earbuds.  Within a month, I had gotten requests to review just about everybody’s newfangled headset.  There was the company that insists stainless steel is better than wood, the company that thinks neon green is going to make a comeback, and the company that makes Bluetooth for short people whose pockets are less than a foot away from their ears.  Basically, after a month I’m swimming in free earbuds.

Earbuds are one thing, but now that I have apparently tripped some metric as a guy who accepts free (or heavily discounted) products in exchange for free marketing, would-be marketeers have been practically parachuting into my yard with all manner of products for me to try.  Unfortunately, unlike the headphones, their databases are either not targeted towards any of my purchasing data points, or they are really fishing for details on why my past purchases consist mostly of  mannequins, bondage wear, and Disney princess products.  In the past 30 days, I have received requests to review the following products …

You guys aren’t going to crack my psyche with blunt tools like that. Keep trying.